So I named my blog "Jerhome, yes with an H". And yes that is how my name is spelled. No it's not a typo, and yes I'm sure. It's crazy how people have reacted to me my whole life when I tell them how my name is spelled. I have gotten everything from, "oh how unique" to, "are you sure that's how your name is spelled?". I'm not joking about that. I have been asked on more than one occasion if I knew how my name is spelled. As if I woke up and thought to myself, "You know what would be fun? If I told everyone my name was spelled with a silent letter in the middle of it." If that was the case I would have picked something that would have really made people question whether or not I am actually pulling their leg, like a Z or maybe a Q. Or a string of letters, like Jerifyoudintnoticethatithrewinabunchoflettersjusttomesswithyouthanyouareabiggerdumbassthanithoughtyouwereome.
My grandfather actually named me and came up with the spelling as well. Now I'm a bit of a different person than just about everyone I know. I didn't care about my family history for a very long time. I didn't care where my family came from, all I knew is great grandma and great grandpa came over from Germany/Russia and I was cool with that. I wish I would have cared. All I know is that my name was inspired by a baseball player. (My grandpa's favorite sport) And I wish I would have asked him which one before he got older and forgot a lot of things because I could be named after a really crappy player. Sure I'd like to think that I was named after some amazing Gold Glove caliber player who was so good that he finished his career with a 1.000 batting average and never committed an error. Struck out every man he faced and was able to bed down all the ladies in the stadium during the 7th inning stretch. That's the man I'm named for. haHA! Who wants to touch me, for I have the name of the greatest man to ever set foot on a diamond. But the reality is, I just don't know. The guy could have played once and sucked so hard that he was cut from the team to never play again and went on to be the absolute worst gas station attendant to have ever lived. The toilets were dirty and he never learned how to properly read a dip-stick. Every car that he serviced had a seized engine less than a block away. He had never known physical love, unless you count the one time a woman slapped him for asking if she needed her headlights polished. haHA! Who wants to kick me in the groin, for I am named for the smelliest man to ever work in an oil pit.
So here I am saddled with a "unique" name because there is a silent H in the middle of it and I don't know why. Sure it gets attention but not always the best attention. Double takes when people read it is the least ridiculous thing I've had to deal with. There have been people who have tried to pronounce it as it is spelled, Jer-home. There are those that think it needs to be over pronounced, Jer-hom-aye. Then there are those who just can't effin read at all. In school, during roll call, I have been called Jeremiah, which is really close. There was a few Josephs, and Jeremys in there too. And of course when I corrected them the looked at me like I was pulling their chain. My personal favorites are the people that I have told them my name, how to pronounce it and everything, and they just refuse to call me by my name. No it's not Jeremy. I'm sorry but my name is not Jeremiah, as I told you it is Jerhome. Did I say my name is Jerry? No, I did not. It's Jerhome. If I wanted to be called Jerry I would tell you to call me Jerry. I instead said my name is Jerhome. I expect you to call me as such. And just because you can't wrap your head around the fact that a big white guy is named Jerhome, doesn't mean you can designate any name you feel like giving me that's close to my name and fits your "normal" sensibilities. And don't try to shorten my name because you can't figure out how to make "-y" sound like "-ome". Not everyone in this world needs their name shortened into some kind of nickname. Just ask all the Richards of the world who have to endure being called "Dick".
And the nicknames, I've had a few. Kids can be creative and cruel. Some of the ones I actually like are Jer-home-boy, kinda cute, Jer-homes, just a shorter more "hip" version of the previous nickname, and Je-Romeo, what can I say, I like that one too. The ones that I don't like are on the way, see if you can guess which one has started a fight. Jer-home, like "you're home". Inventive? Not at all. It's just pronouncing my name as it's spelled and trying to make it seem cute. It's a retarded nickname. I'm talking about helmet wearing, juice box drinking, short bus riding, make sure you don't hand it any sharp objects in fear of it hurting others or worse yet itself, gets enrolled in the "special" class that takes place in the trailer behind the cafeteria retarded nickname. And then there's.... Jer-homosexual. Yep, I'd like to thank my cousin Mike for stumbling upon that little gem, then spreading it like a syphilitic wildfire, which logically lead to Jer-homo, just a shorter more "hip" version of the previous nickname. Of course most of that happened when I was a child. Now at the age of 32, Jer-romeo seems to be the only one that survived. Jer-home-boy slips in there once in a while.
I had the chance to take the H out of my name once. I was 12 and my dad took me to get my last name changed to his. (quick back story: We just met like, three months before that. Good times.) He suggested that I remove the H at the same time, that way I wouldn't have to endure all the mispronunciations and nicknames, but my mom talked me out of it. I decided to side with here because we had known each other for 12 years and I trusted her judgment. I had just met this other asshole and wasn't sure how sound his judgment was. Looking back I'm glad I didn't take out the H. Sure I had to put up with some crap over the years, but I can say that I have never met anyone with my name that is spelled like mine. I have met a couple of Jeromes, and I've met a Gerome. And a Jerry or two, traitors. But I am the only Jerhome that I know, and I like that.
